Being Present.

Letting the Light In.

Knowing that my "YOU' is bigger than my doubts and fears.

BIG LESSONS I have yet to master...

As you read through these lines, know that you are not alone. Know that you are enough– more than enough; even if the only thing that you did today was to pray and breathe. That prayer that you just did? That breathing exercise and meditation that you just finished? Those send energy and vibes into this world depleted of feelings of worthiness.

I needed to stay here for a while. It is where I can step back and allow the thoughts to rush in. I just let them pass by. The pain feels comfortable or maybe I was so numb that I don’t even feel the pain. Certain realizations that should have left my heart broken, but it didn’t. My heart was sheltered. By walls I put up. Barriers. When did I learn to do that? How did I learn to do that? 

They are old souls, I'm sure of that— teaching me how to navigate through life's circumstances and complexities. Everyday I’m proud of their kindness, their efforts, their hearts—and for that, I AM TRULY BLESSED.

In the darkness, I can feel my pounding heartbeat slow down. I can hear my intense thoughts give up. I can sense my tensed body loosen up. The filth dissolves. And for at least a little while, I can perceive a sense of normalcy that I haven’t felt in a very long time.

You are not broken. Your mind is stubbornly resisting the truth about yourself. You matter. You are enough. You are a Child of God. Accept your own truths.

We all possess creativity.  I believe it’s just a matter of how, when, and why you use it. Sometimes it is difficult to show what we can really do because of fear.  Fear of criticism. Fear of failure. Fear of success.  Fear of not making enough money. Fear of losing money.  Fear of “not having a real job”.

Sometimes, what you see in the mirror is not exactly a reflection of what you really are. Beauty can mean different things to different people.  To a certain degree, beauty is subjective, and it’s essential that we don’t take someone else’s opinion at face value. We need to look closer to discover what we find as honestly beautiful, whether that be in our personality, our character, our intentions, and yes, on how we show up to and for others.

So, welcome to my blanket fort. Just know that I can be overbearing and unlikeable at times. That I can feel anxious and helpless and sad. That I might push people away from my blanket.  That I might pull more than enough of the blanket for myself. But if you stay and know me and my struggles, and are willing to put up with me, then you are welcome to stay.  That's when I know you are in my circle. That you are my tribe. Just bear with me.

I now understand how people need genuine connection. It does not involve numbers and equations of what I'm worth or what you're worth.  But I can sit by you.  My soul craves for real connections with likeminded people. How are you feeling? When was the last time you cried? Tell me what you are grateful for. Why do you feel vulnerable? What beauty do you see? What sparks the light within you?

A lot of people think of misfits as something bad or negative. In my world, it is something that makes one unique. Fifteen years ago, someone read my aura and asked me if I’ve ever felt like I don’t belong? I did not totally understand what she was asking.

Last night was the last straw. I felt the need to distance myself. I need honest and straightforward people. I am tired of sorting out people in my life.

As much as I wanted that past life back, I know that music shaped my kids into what they are now. And that! That’s what makes life worthwhile. That’s what breathes life to my tired body, mind, and soul…

…and so I heal.

No need to rush for things that are bound to happen.  It will happen in the right place, at the right time, and with the right intentions….

For now, I just need to focus on my new path with bigger visions and much bigger intentions…

This is my path now.  The one I need to give my time and focus on. With ease and very little pressure.

When you’re drowning in water, first you try to struggle. Then you get tired of the struggle and your body just let go. You let it sink. Then my mind quieted down with just one sentence. “The world will keep on going without me.”

“The success of every woman should be the inspiration to another. We should raise each other up. Make sure you’re very courageous: be strong, be extremely kind, and above all be humble.” — Serena Williams