If you Build It, They Will Come...

This year has overstretched me—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It all started in 2019 which has been a physically challenging year for me.  Work was steadily busy, along with additional family demands which included proms, graduations, and travels to send our daughter to college. I also lost a great friend, teacher, and mentor to suicide early that year, followed by the loss of my mother-in-law, mid-year. I was hospitalized at the beginning of the year with a chronic illness that can only be alleviated by a change in lifestyle.  Come July, I was in the hospital again with a barrage of infection. After a couple of surgeries and a compromised immune system, I decided to quit my job TO HEAL. 

TO HEAL

To learn how to stop and just let my body mend. To silent the mind. To learn to listen. Listen to the silence. Listen to my body.  To be patient and kind to my Self.  A special time to go inward and open up for guidance into my highest and greater good. This is a huge lesson.

INTO MY HIGHEST AND GREATER GOOD

Healing doesn’t mean you stay inactive (lest I hear it from my colleagues),  yet the deconditioning has taken a toll on me. I spend a lot of time in bed doing one of the things I love– WRITING, which tremendously helped with healing — physically, mentally and emotionally.

As I heal, comes the question: what to do next?  What do I really want to do?  Not that I don’t love my profession anymore, but given my current condition, I needed to “outsource” and feel “productive”.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF…

Yes, I do have daily work to accomplish. Aside from making sure I take care of myself, take the dog in the backyard, do my exercises or walks, and proper nutrition and hydration, I have plenty of homework.  I did a 12-week freelancing workshop, a creative writing course, more workshops, and preparing for a health coach certification to boot (ironic, huh?). Studying and homework take most of my day. When I find inspiration, I write blogs

Homework and workshops can be daunting.  When you talk about freelancing, it’s not just creative writing.  It’s a lot of things.  It can be proofreading to copywriting, website development to video gaming construction, marketing to blog development, to speaking engagement planning. I can only imagine how intimidated I felt when I began the process. Doubtful whether I was in the right place and doing the right thing, my self-confidence was completely trampled. However, the coaches and tutors were very supportive of everyone’s growth that I started feeling at ease by Week 3.

One part of the workshop and homework was an eye-opener.  It’s about finding our NICHE. Easy! I already know my niche. Writing! Then came the WHY question. Outside of money, I want to make an impact and acknowledge others who are in the same situation as I am; that they are not alone, for one. Easy! Then came the lesson about profits; essentially HOW MUCH I AM WORTH. How. Much. Is. My. Worth. There’s an equation for that. How much I cost. There’s a link you can go to to see if what I do is worth selling.  Apparently, I can bid for it. There’s a lowest and highest bid price.

I understand, yes, my work needs to get paid and I can do the math, but still… I got overwhelmed to the point of panic. Why am I doing this again? I can still change my mind.  Moreover, I can also add something else aside from content and creative writing? Why do we always have to put a price on everything? Why am I doing this again? This frenzied mind went into overdrive.

I went into Balasana or Child’s Pose in yoga on my bed and instantly the answer came…

“If you build it…they will come…” ~ (Field of Dreams)

And then came peace…

MY WORTH

If people really knew my story and all the things I’ve been through, they can relate and know that they are not alone. If they read my happy blogs in spite of, they will know hope. When people can’t look at the bright side, I will sit with them in the dark and talk or write to them.

I now understand how people need genuine connection. It does not involve numbers and equations of what I’m worth or what you’re worth.  But I can sit by you.  My soul craves for real connections with likeminded people. How are you feeling? When was the last time you cried? Tell me what you are grateful for. Why do you feel vulnerable? What beauty do you see? What sparks the light within you?

Come sit by me…I will tell you a story…about HEALING…towards one’s HIGHEST AND GREATER GOOD…

“We can study psychology, the art of therapy, and every modality under the sun, but until we have learned to sit with our own pain, we cannot sit with anyone else in theirs.” ~  Stephi Wagner

That’s my worth…

Originally posted November 20, 2019