Embracing My New Path
When the Heart Trumps the Mind
"To every thing, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1 KJV
Photo by Tobias Bju00f8rkli on Pexels.com
“Have a great day, Miss Anna!”– as one of the physician’s staff comes out for her lunch. I did not get the chance to answer back while I cross the bushes to head to my Uber ride.
That term. That designation. I used to hear it everyday in my past life, the life I gave up.
“Hello, Ms. Anna!”
“Have a good evening, Ms. Anna!”
“Drive safe, Ma’am!”
“Ms. Anna, can we have some of your chocolates from that jar.” (one of my favorite memories).
Fond recollections of my students come pouring in. MISS ANNA. That’s what I prefer they call me. Some choose to call me Dr. Evans or Professor Evans, but the “Doctor” designation, I reserve for formalities, first-time introductions, and administrative meetings. It’s not just me. But in class or at work, I am most comfortable with just plain, Ms. Anna. With past colleagues and employees, we referred to each other with a Miss or a Mister and then our first name(s). I’ve gotten used to that in my years in academia. I don’t know if they do it in other colleges. I don’t know where and how it started in mine. I guess it’s a Southern way of respect that I have gotten used to.
Those are behind me now. I am not sure if I would eventually go back to that life again. The one that took its toll on my health. I am still healing from the after-effects of years having to live that life.
Please don’t get me wrong. My profession in healthcare, academia, and administration is my passion. Was. Was my passion. I keep on reminding myself that I’m on a different path now, with the affection and devotion that were stunned growing up and is just coming into the surface as I heal. I still use the knowledge and wisdom I accumulated from my profession for more than 30 years, and that is one innate and valuable thing that cannot be taken away from me.
“No more letters after your name!” That’s what my husband keeps on telling me. I was supposed to be attending a certification course this weekend. Another one that will add 3 letters after my name. Besides making my “Bio” look good, I could help and reach out to people in need of my services. I was well prepared. My mind keeps on telling me, “This will be easy. Just get it over with.” Why does a weekend of learning and getting those 3 letters matter?
My heart and my body disagreed. I am not mentally and physically ready. In the past 3 days, I have been feeling all the stress. My body suffered in the process. Not eating enough nor eating at all. That’s my body’s reaction to stress. I know I won’t be sleeping enough as well, prior to the date. It has happened before. I literally walked out of the hotel on the morning of, because of a lack of sleep. I know I won’t be able to focus. I was in distress.
In time. I called the course instructor who assured me there will be more time and opportunities to go for it. Just not right now. I don’t need it right now. No need to give my body and my mind more pressure than what I could handle.
Not yet. In time.
No need to rush for things that are bound to happen. It will happen in the right place, at the right time, and with the right intentions.
For now, I just need to focus on my new path with bigger visions and much bigger intentions.
As I hang up the phone, I felt my body give. Relaxed. Ready to put pen to paper.
This is my path now. The one I need to give my time and focus on. With ease and very little pressure.
Oh, and that tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich. (“Bad day, Miss Anna?)
***UPDATE: As of May 2020, I was able to attend the certification course virtually and passed it with flying colors! Yay, me!
