When They Fly Away
Spreading Her Wings Out
Image by MauricioOliveira109 via Pexels.com
"Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever." ~ Unknown
Most parents could probably relate to that complex mother-daughter, love-hate relationship. I know my mom-friends would certainly agree. We compare notes and we mostly agree <with eyeballs rolling>.
It has been specially tiring and daunting for both of us the past 6 months since they were all sent home from college due to the wide-spreading virus. Every bloody single day, there are issues that come up where we end up with snarky retorts at best to full blown “I cannot live with you!” shouting bouts.
As an introverted person, the lockdown and the continued social distancing did not affect me as much. I am used to it. However, with a daughter who is going nuts with college courses done online and being cooped up at home, I pretty much understand her need to go out. She is level- headed. She knows all the precautions I, myself, imposed upon our household (which is rather stricter than normal, since this perfectionist mom is a healthcare worker and a college professor and administrator as well— yep, a kids’ nightmare). This leads to further rifts between my daughter and I.
Yet, this doting mom continued to put her foot down when it comes to meeting up with people outside our household. But as she expressed her need for freedom, I realized how I undermined her mental health. She needs some time out. She knows how to socially distant herself from others. She managed her way to see and talk to her friends in person while socially distancing. I can only imagine how each felt when they started heading back to their colleges. I can also hear her on FaceTime with her college friends, missing each other, probably complaining about mom’s stringent rules.
The past six months, given the restrictions we have, trying to engage and asking for family-time usually ended up with screaming bouts...because “I’d rather do <fill in the blank>, since I just spent the weekend in nature with you”s. The constant bantering between mom and daughter ensues, even as she packs up for college.
The past 6 months did not break her, however. It made her stronger and more resolved to move on in spite of the global crisis that were put on our children...on her…on her friends.
Next thing we know she's back to her college for her sophomore fall term. She moved back in to her apartment shared with her college best friends this week. The day after move in, she began working with the college to distribute extra masks to students in conjunction with the colleges “Mask Up or Pack Up” initiative. Doing what she does best— volunteer for the good of others. She said it feels surreal to be back in college again.
Motherhood is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It is also the most difficult thing. With 2 young adults, one living in a different town and another one in college, this perfectionist, control-freak Mom can reinforce house rules. But I cannot control nor override their decisions as young adults, no matter the consequences of their actions or mistakes that hopefully, they will learn and survive from.
No matter how hurtful their choices are, I have to learn how to let go. To let them fly and explore on their own. To let them succeed. To let them fail. To let them find happiness. To let them grieve the way they want to.
Image by Jackson David via Pexels.com
Like some parents, I tend to undermine my children's ability to rise above whatever circumstances they were on, leading to unhealthy codependency. Especially with this generation. We tend to give them less credit for their accomplishments. But this time around, I feel proud of my kids. Not only because they have reached and still accomplishing their goals, but also because of the fact that in spite of my shortcomings as a mother (and I have lots to forgive myself for), they have grown into brilliant and awe-inspiring young adults. They made it through by overlooking my vulnerabilities and focusing on their own values and standards.
They are old souls, I'm sure of that— teaching me how to navigate through life's circumstances and complexities. Everyday I’m proud of their kindness, their efforts, their hearts—and for that, I AM TRULY BLESSED.
It was sad seeing her leave. But I was more positive and convinced that she has it in her. The drive. The will. That confidence. She’s spreading her wings again. This young-ling is more than ready to face the challenges with her head held high, wings spread, looking at the mountain peak, with that dauntless grin, saying "I can make it up there."
"Blackbird singing in the dead of night.
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise" ~ The Beatles (Blackbird)
Image by A.M. Evans ©
