What Was and What’s To Be
When Letting Go and Manifesting Collides
I have a lot of letting go to do. I also have forgiveness work that needs done. I am easy to forgive, and I don’t hold grudges but things that are happening in my life as of late has been confronting me right on the face and taunting me that I find it difficult to ignore.
There are also a lot of good things coming in my life that is heading me to the right direction, but somehow all of this good stuff came simultaneously, leaving me overwhelmed.
Exhausted and depleted, I usually find myself curled up in a ball in bed by the end of the day. Trying not to feel. Trying not to think. Just curl up and hide from the world for a while. I was overextended and burnt out. Tears don’t come out of me easily. Yet oftentimes, my physical body felt so battered that all I could do is stay in a fetal position in bed.
What is it that’s keeping me?
The past year had its ups and downs, but I was able to keep my head above the water. But this time, I feel like I failed. I was going into a downward spiral, but what was keeping me are all the amazing things that are coming into my life. I didn’t realize that a downward spiral and too much of a brilliant light can go into collision and bring you to a place where you barely know what to think, how to think, and how to move on.
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Just imagine a rock bottom filled with blinding lights. Some energies have to go, and some energies manifested have to stay. Either way, it has been too much for this frail being who keeps on thriving.
Rock bottom will teach you lessons that mountain tops never will. ~Unknown
I tried to visualize where I am. In the deepest plain. Trying to make sense of everything that is going on. Trying to sort out every single thing. The good and the bad. What to let go and what to welcome. Slowly but surely.
I needed time. I need to take my time. I need to look around me and just observe. Understand. Learn. Let go. Forgive.
As I learn to find solace in that rock bottom, I am finding the beauty—how my heart feels, how my mind overthinks, how my Soul refuses to be tempered. In the spirit of love and forgiveness, I am also learning to reclaim my power back. Just looking at the beauty of that deep valley in my mind, I know this place serves a purpose.
I know I am in the process of transition. I call it leveling up. Letting myself unfold and welcome a brave new hope—a deeper understanding of what is yet to come. Just hold the vision of my Higher Self. Good things are coming. Learn to embrace the light.
Breathe.
Rest.
Slowly but surely, small steps.
Find the beauty.
Feel inspired.
Repeat.
As I see the beauty of the pit, I find the direction to which I am going. To climb back to the mountaintops. I am learning to embrace the fact that I am not to stay in this same place forever. Albeit the fact that my mind, body, and soul has familiarized itself to its cold and damp surroundings, I know I have to keep moving forward and upward.
Climbing up is daunting. I am still in the process. I am learning to find my handholds and footholds. I am learning to find the beauty with each climb, no matter how slow the progress. I am learning to trust myself.
Image by Meor Mohamad via Unsplash
“Trust on what you can handle”, a friend just told me. What I can handle. No more, no less. Don’t overdo. Don’t overthink. Just trust me and trust the process. I found true faith in that deepest valley.
Each time I slip down and feel myself breaking apart, I have learned to put myself together in many different ways. As I see myself on that mountain ledge, I look back on what I have accomplished. Despite all the setbacks, I did accomplish a lot. Looking back, I saw myself thriving in the bleakest of conditions. Moving forward and upward. Keeping on. Learning. Trusting. Hoping. Dreaming. Letting go. Accepting.
I have yet quite ways to climb and travel, but I know that in this journey, it is my Infinite Self, who refuses to be subdued, willing to climb that mountain with great intention and devotion to the life that I have committed myself into.
I am learning to enjoy the journey.
Keep on.
Learn.
Trust.
Hope.
Let go.
Accept.
When I get to the mountain top with great joy and happiness, I will look down at the valley and show appreciation to my Higher Self with its infinite patience and perseverance for learning, trusting, hoping, and keep on going.
I know I am Divinely supported and guided.
And so it is.
"Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us." -Pema Chödrön
