Stepping Into My Own Light

I was on a Zoom call with like-minded thought leaders discussing various topics and relating our insights to writing our scripts, and public speaking. I always look forward to this particular weekly zoom call, where I can feel positive vibes from both the facilitator and attendees. There’s also a sense of belonging and lots of encouragement. Definitely a breath of fresh air from the usual humdrum of virtual calls that gained popularity and familiarity because of the need for social distancing.

The other night’s call was really thought-provoking, but it also took away the heaviness I’ve been carrying during the week. I felt like I was freed from the baggage I’ve been carrying for decades.

I have been dragging my feet on this one project— the one that I know I can make a greater impact on. I know that if I set my intentions and my actions the outcome will present itself. But first, my intentions, the outcomes, and my actions need to be aligned. I know my intention. I can see the outcomes. But the action, not so much. I feel stuck. In all honesty, I’m not making much effort to get there.

I look at my dreams and goals but I feel like there’s a part of me that fears change, uncertain, and afraid of who I might be, who I might lose? What are the sacrifices?

During the zoom call, the facilitator suggested that we “LEAD WITH THE HEART” when writing our scripts. I just heard those lines a week prior, when my mentor kept on encouraging me to “Let it come from your heart” as I try to finish, revise, and re-revise a written project.

Back to that zoom call: I realized I have to reflect more on and practice leading with my heart as I show up into the world every single day. What am I ready to let go of so I can know everything that I do is led by my heart? Overthinking, perhaps? The need to rationalize everything? The need to be perfect? Co-dependency?

As I reflect upon things that I need to let go of to make space for my heart to lead, I realized that I need to be more gentle with myself. I have been giving a lot of myself— to my family, to my clients, to my friends, to the people I come in contact with on a daily basis, virtually or in person, that there’s no room for ME. Everything that I’ve been doing is mostly for the good of all. Yes, noble professions, but I must admit, they took away my sense of Self.

I’ve learned selfless acts: Seating in the back row so as not to gain too much attention for myself. The anonymous donations. The quiet whispers of encouragement to friends. The phone calls to check on my friends and family. The constant giving of myself, albeit a lack of energy. I know I do these from my heart but am I leading with my heart or just following what my heart says?

How do I do that? LEAD WITH MY HEART? Just start with an intention from your heart space and follow where it takes me? Hoping it knows the way?

I believe it’s time to re-create ME. The one that has gone through many failures and successes, yet stubborn enough to keep climbing up from whatever rock bottom I come to fall into. The one who had the passion to teach and inspire through my examples. The one who gains satisfaction knowing that I made at least one person breathe better as a measure of my success.

I guess my biggest takeaway from that call was that it’s time for me to create for MYSELF what I have been creating for other people’s lives for 40+ years of my existence. Now is the time for ME to step into my own light. And in doing so, I will have more impact that will help the generations to come, as I lead by example and inspiration on a much grander scale.

So if there is one thing that I could give the world that would make a great impact, I think it would be “ME first”. Take care of ME first. Let go of MY burdens first.

You cannot pour from an empty cup, but if I drink from that cup myself, I would have enough strength and courage, and the endurance to keep on filling the cup up for others to draw from. Only then can I assure me that there is enough in that cup for others and for me.

It’s time to step into my LIGHT!
Time to share my light with others.
Time to make an impact.
It all starts with ME.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"