Back to Center
Lead With Your Heart
My anxiety is in full gear. I knew this was gonna happen. I saw it coming.
This week, I’m writing a research article as part of my apprenticeship requirements. I have everything I needed. I have studied multiple research papers. I have read the books. I knew what to write. I know it like the back of my hands. As my usual practice, I started with the easy abstract, and introduction. Then I write my references and conclusions (given I already know the content and know whether my hypothesis is correct or not). Today begins the day where I write the content. The body. But my anxiety got the best of me.
Meditation, definitely. And then yoga. Get that energy out of my body.
As I was working on my yoga flow, it just came to me. While doing an easy asana (pose), I tried to make it perfect. There it is! My need to be perfect!
Why am I doing this to myself? What am I trying to prove? Who am I trying to impress? Why can’t I just be?
Most times, when I had to use my knowledge and intellect on a project or to pass and finish a course, I go to extremes. I either go on competitive mode and focus to finish the task at the peril of my health, or I go on survival mode when I crouch in bed and roll into a ball at the peril of my sanity until I give myself permission to start the project.
I went into Balasana or Child’s Pose. Took a few deep breaths and went through my yoga flow in my head.
Image by Prostock-studio via Shutterstock
As I became aware of how my physical body flows, I also became aware of why I needed to do the flow on both sides, why I needed to match my folds with my inversions, my flexions into extensions, balance, and how I always go back to the center.
Back to the center. Always to the center. That’s where your heart space is. That is where you can draw peace, and passion, and power.
That center between competition and survival. That’s where I needed to go.
I finished my flow with a resolve. I needed to anchor my mental ability into my heart space. That’s the only way I can move on. I can hear my mentor telling me, “Don’t think it out. You’ve got to put your heart into it. “
The heart space. Where I don’t need to be perfect. I just need to BE.
As I write this, I’m giving myself space. To center. To allow the pressure to subside from this tiny physique, worn out from all the stresses life has put upon this past year. To put my heart into what I’m doing at the moment. This very moment. When I’m writing. Pen to paper. Heart into creation.
My mind is at rest. No pressure. No thinking. Just stay in this very moment, and let my heart do the rest.
Image by Sage Friedman via Unsplash
I still plan to finish my paper by the due date. But somehow, I now know when I needed to slow down and just put my heart into whatever or wherever I am. Right where I am. At the center. In my heart space. Where I can find my anchor.
This spiritual journey to growth can be messy. But at the end of the day, once you know to come back to your center, somehow the baggage feels a lot lighter. My mind flows more fluid. My body feels at ease.
Blessings my, dear friends! From my heart to yours...
