Brave New Hope
“Sometimes your mind needs more time to accept what your heart already knows.”
…or is it the other way around? Either way, I felt lost. Something I didn't want to accept. And so, I did everything to stay away from that “something”. Mind or heart, either way, I would have to face it somehow and I would end up broken—heart or mind. Maybe, both.
I tried to steer away from stillness, so I didn’t have to think nor feel. I kept moving. Yoga, aerials, Barre, movies, meetups, football games, parties, Netflix binge-ing—name it, I’ve done it all this week. Anything to keep me away from deciding. From choosing. From thinking. From feeling.
What am I trying to avoid? What am I afraid of? Rejection? Loss? Failure?
FEAR. It wraps you with a gentle squeeze and tells you to keep on doing to avoid the inevitable. It buys you time to keep you from your growth. It feeds you with all what-ifs. And ultimately, it consumes your Soul to the core.
Time to face the beast. Time to go into stillness and know…and feel. Time to accept the would haves and could haves. Time to shed anything that is keeping me from my highest good. Emotional baggage. Attachments. Unhealthy coping mechanisms. All of these I have accumulated in just a short period, but it sticks to me like gunk from my yesteryears.
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As I sit into this abyss of darkness, not knowing where to start, I closed my eyes and felt the dampness. It’s comforting and reassuring but I know I cannot stay there. Not long after, I saw that proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel”. It wasn’t like a spotlight nor a flashlight coming to rescue me. It began with a tiny spark. Right in my heart space and it came traveling through the darkness of the tunnel until it stops at a fork. That fork! Why does it always have to be a fork?
Time to decide. My mind didn’t. My heart did. I kept on following that light till I can’t see what’s ahead. Only my heart knows.
“Always come from your heart.” I’ve heard that quite a few times from quite a few people. But what is my heart saying? What is my heart showing? It’s difficult to know when it is protected by the muck of the past.
Time to unlearn. I have developed a lot of coping mechanisms to protect my heart, or so I thought. The emotional barriers-- the need to be seen and understood, the need for reassurance, the need to love and be loved back the way I wanted to. Things I need to let go of. People I need to take back my power from. Relationships that need to change. Heels stuck firmly on the sand. Boundaries that need to be outlined. No more toeing in.
It won’t be easy. Growing pains take time. And heartaches…a lot of heartaches.
Am I ready for this? Sometimes, protecting our hearts means keeping them from the pain of suffering. I am being kind to myself, right? But boy, was I wrong. The truth is, I became more fearful and hardened. The things that I thought would protect my heart became my prison—those shields turned into more sufferings.
But then there’s Hope. As I woke up, I came to see the morning sun rise up the horizon of a beautiful day. I was looking from a different view. That light from the tunnel all ended to this. Standing where the light took me. Standing in my strength. Standing in my truth and power. I am slowly taking back control of my life.Where did all this beauty come from? A different path, a new journey awaits. Albeit all the unknowns, there is the certainty of a promising future. I am working on myself. In the meantime, all I need is self-love and self-compassion. Be gentle with myself, as I traverse this new horizon. Focus. Small steps. Gentle words. Warm light. Brave heart.
“Clean, clear, and under control!” Michelle The Mindset Coach
I am excited about this new journey. This is my path now. I may still stumble and fall, but I am acquainting to my new surroundings. Fresh yet familiar. There is a sense of comfort here. A sense of belonging. All I carry with me is this brave new hope. Despite the heartaches and anxiety, I know I am being divinely guided and protected.
I am grateful for my spirit guides. I am grateful for my mentors and teachers. I am grateful for my colleagues. I am where I am now because of them. I am grateful for everyone’s support and guidance.
And so, my journey continues…
“The new dawn blooms as we free it. For there is always light if only we’re brave enough to see it, if only we’re brave enough to be it.” —Amanda Gorman (National Youth Poet Laureate)
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