My “Constant”

TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide, Suicidal ideation, Mental Illness, Mental Issues

It has been a year and a half since the hospitalization that totally changed my life. It’s a year since a major historical event has changed everybody’s life and still continues to change as we all heal, one way or another.

Through all these, I have one constant who has been with me all along my journey. She’s always there when I crawl in bed, rolled in a ball, or while rocking back and forth, seated in the dark in our walk-in closet. She has saved me from my own ideation of self-harm. She has taught me to hold on and climb out of the pit of my deepest darkest moments.

She has always been there to redirect me when I begin to lose my sense of direction in life. She always reminds me of my real life’s purpose. She feeds my creativity. She gives me the nudge to “go for it”.

This “constant” of mine is finely tuned-in to my intuition. We’ve been through many breakthroughs. We have conquered a lot in the past years and will continue to battle more of life’s challenges, and I know my constant will always be there through this whole process.

That “constant” is ME. My INFINITE SELF. The one who expresses through me in perfect ways in a continuous mode of letting go and manifesting as my Soul moves forward.

I just need to learn how to trust my Infinite Self and keep on following her direction. Though Silence. Through Prayers. Through Meditation.

Through my Infinite Self, I am now able to look at my Self from a higher vantage point where I am able to reflect on every challenge that I have tackled and dealt with.

I appreciate and know that everything that happened to me, happens for me to make it through all of the darkest moments of the past years. I look back grateful, victorious, and in my power.

And so it is…

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.

Or Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor on Crisis Text Line.