My Little Big Dream

"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true." ~ Richard Bach (Illusions)

Most of my friends already know what I really wanted in life. A small cabin by the river overlooking the mountains. There I would write my memoir. A simple life, with purpose.

There are no mountains where we live. So that dream means having to move somewhere away from where I've spent more than 30 years of my life. The only "mountain" we have here are landfills.

We were driving south to spend the day at a Japanese Gardens and Museum as we passed by one of those landfills, when my husband made a snide remark, "There's your mountain!"

I've been going through an emotional roller coaster the whole week and with raw emotions, this comment was my last straw. I took a couple of deep breaths and answered back in a neutral tone, "How dare you take away the only hope that I am holding on to?" We didn't fight. We talked. (Okay, I did the talking for the most part). But the pain was already wrought. And I had to have the last word: "It is going to happen, with or without you."

That foul mood continued on when we got to our destination. I felt a piece inside me break. I found myself in the midst of a beautiful Japanese garden, about to break into tiny little pieces. As I strolled through the gravel walkway, my soul was on a downward spiral, desperate to hold onto something that would give me a tiny glimmer of hope. With everything going on with my health, the one thing I could hold onto was rendered invalid. Was I overreacting?

Then the afternoon came when it was time for Calligraphy Workshop. Although in a foul mood, I pushed myself to focus on this one. As we waited to do the work, I sensed the two older ladies next to us were nervous about “not being able to do it the right way”. I thought about the time when I used to feel the same. However, the geeky perfectionist in me followed the instructions to the t, and somehow, I felt my body calm down. “Come on, girl, just relax the hands, use your arms to move, and let the brush flow.”

After papers and papers of characters practice, I'm proud of the finished product. I think, the workshop was one of the highlights of my week. They showed us the proper way--how to hold the brush and the calligraphy paper in place and when to just let go.

I liked what the characters stood for: Walking through. A road to somewhere. The path.

Yes, the path! To my dreams. "Just relax. Every stroke, you'll master until you make it there. No matter what energy you're picking up. No matter what other people, including your loved ones' opinions, are. Just do your strokes. With ease."

I got out of the education center with a better outlook and finally appreciated the beauty that was all around me.

This day full of emotions just made my resolve to Dream Big with a spirit that cannot be subdued nor overcome and allowed me the determination and the confidence to handle the many challenges and obstacles in life.

To my Dreamer people out there, I say unto you: No one; not even a loved one has the right to invalidate your dreams. Dream big and live bigger. You are worth it. No excuses.

"Set a goal so big that you can't achieve it until you grow into the person who can." ~ Anonymous

And when people or circumstances let you down, know that you are entitled to your feelings, but watch out that you don't fall into despair. Find an outlet to ease you back up.

But never ever give up on your dream. Fight for it if you must. It's called Self-love. Self-compassion. And sometimes, Self-preservation.

Dream on.

"Know that your dreams are valid; and on your path, you are never denied, you are only redirected." ~ Catriona Gray

***Originally published January 18, 2020