This past month, I have been spending a lot of time in bed trying to mend from an infection and multiple dental procedures. 

I realized how much my body needed so much rest. I have been posting a lot about SELF-CARE on social media, unaware of how much care my body, mind, and soul needed. 

I’m tired. Yes, I did tend to my exhausted shell of a body, but I didn’t recognize that no matter how much longer I stayed in bed, it doesn’t do much when my soul is tired. Somehow, something inside of me is needing something more than sleep. 

I’m exhausted. And it’s the type of exhaustion that seeped into your very core, you don’t know how to get rid of it because it has become a part of you.

I don’t have any energy for a lot. Yes, I still go out with friends, and I enjoy their company. But I find myself just lacking the energy to socialize with other people outside my circle. Sometimes, I need to summon extra energy even during virtual calls. It even takes a lot just to go out for a nice dinner with the family as it is, much so go into a full-on disagreement with my daughter who is home from college.

It’s taking a lot of energy out of me even when discussing things that involve my heart and Soul even with my spiritual mentor. Talking about hopes and dreams no longer excites me. I’ve stopped looking forward to anything—birthdays, long weekends, family gatherings. I have nothing left to give, and that left me feeling numb and devoid of emotions when I engage with people. 

I realized I stopped living my life and just literally trying to get through every day. I am not really living. I’m getting used to my “new normal” (which in this case is an unhealthy normal) with the way my body responds and functions, and the way my mind reacts. But I feel like I’m running in circles in my mud of unfulfilled dreams. I was on autopilot, which can be terrifying since I don’t know when the road bends. 

I feel like I wanted to cry but no tears are coming out. I feel detached. Disconnected. Empty. The only thing I want is quiet. Being alive can be quite a burden at times, so I resort to sleep as an escape. The world seems to demand so much from us and it doesn’t seem to stop just because we feel tired. A good sleep, meditation, and exercise can take away the stress, but it can be transient when you know that you will have to face the world eventually. This can take quite a toll on a person’s soul. That feeling that your Spirit is all hollowed-out. I know it did mine. 

Soul exhaustion can happen to anyone at any time because life requires a lot from us. It’s all-consuming. When you’re in the thick of it, it’s easy to withdraw from people you love and crave solitude. 

If you feel what I’m going through, please make sure to take time to tend to your soul. Pause a while. It’s okay to withdraw yourself from the life you are living but don’t linger there. There is a difference between needing some alone time and withdrawing from everyone and everything around you.

Maybe you need a break from the conundrums of everyday life. Or maybe you need to set boundaries and say “No” to a few things. Maybe you need a new project, or a new routine, or even a new circle of friends. Maybe you need someone to listen to what your Soul needs right now. It’s okay to ask for help, and just because the weight of whatever it is you are dealing with can be overwhelming and exhausting, it doesn’t mean that you failed, or you are lazy, or you are “less than”. You are still human, and this shell is taking in the weight of exhaustion while your Soul is currently trying to figure things out.

Save time to dig deeper into that hollowed-out Soul. Take your time so you can figure out what it is that you need to make your soul feel alive again. Remember – the world can wait, but your happiness and your well-being can’t. 

Whatever it is — give yourself the permission and the space to dig deeper into what you are currently feeling or not feeling. Take the time to make sense of your exhaustion.

I once penned a poem about my need for sacred space to bring me back to my Self—"I Only Need a Little Bit” 

Breathe for a second. Breathe again.  Breathe yet again.

My hope for you is that you make your Self a priority. Your inner peace is so worth it. Your Soul deserves more than just to exist 

May your Soul find peace. May your heart know peace. Make space. Let me hold that space for you if you need me to. My hand in yours…

“…Then life has an astonishing way of taking care of you, because then there is no taking care on your part. Life carries you where it will because you are part of itself…”- Krishnamurti