Beyond Perception of Beauty

“Wow, you have turned into a beautiful swan!” 

When I first joined Facebook, a former grade school classmate made that comment. So I answered in retort, “Wow, I didn’t know I was an ugly duckling back then?”

A-a-awkward! I could not remember how the conversation ended but that happened a decade and a half ago(?) so that contact got lost in my memory. Until last night…

While in social media conversation with my grade school Facebook group, someone commented not remembering who I was from grade school. Whoaaa…here we go again.  So I said which class I was in and that I was not popular so not everyone knows me. Then I sarcastically commented, “But I graduated 2nd in our class, next only to so-and so”.

t “#1 in class” classmate refuted my comment stating I was “small but special”. Then a best friend in grade school chimed in and said, “What do you mean you were not popular? For me, you are super popular.” She agreed with the #1 classmate stating that I was small but absolutely “adorable and special”! I ended thanking them for the compliments but memories of those awkward “ugly-duckling” childhood and teenage years were already consuming me.

Yes, I was one of the smallest in class. So I was always in the front whenever our teacher(s) tell us to fall in line. However, when we had our high school reunion more than a decade ago, my former classmates did not recognize me because I shot up. I grew taller. Not that lanky high school girl anymore.

I was not popular in high school. Definitely not popular in our neighborhood and community. I never had suitors. My teenage crushes always ended up crushing on my friends. So broken heart upon broken heart upon broken heart was pretty much the theme of my teenage puppy-loves.

I did remember a moment in high school when we had a soirée (that’s what we call an acquaintance party between two high school exclusively girls and boys private school class). The cutest guy in the boy’s class approached me, (much to everyone’s surprise) and we spent the whole night together, dancing and conversing.  I was also astonished to be honest. Every now and then I think of that moment and still ask myself, “Why me?”. I was not popular. I did not see anything special in me back then.

What I think then as a lack in beauty, I compensated with wit.  I don’t consider myself intelligent, but I was studious, witty and diligent.  Studious enough to make second in class in grade school.  Witty enough to make it through the tough nuns in a Catholic private high school. And definitely diligent enough to keep my head above water in college.

A college classmate once remarked how I have grown into a woman during our reunion. That, I took as a compliment.  Looking back, I did look and acted like a kid in college. I was also small and skinny.  Lanky.

And then I met my husband-to-be. But still I got the worst snide remark from a former college classmate, “So how much did you pay this guy to take a picture with you?”. I got engaged to the same guy the same year and got married the following year. Married 26 years and going strong.

So did I see myself as an “ugly duckling then”? Well, that can be a matter of contention.

“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.”  ~ Kahlil Gibran

I bore all those heartaches with grace. I grew up and learned many of life’s lessons which I’ve been using to help or console a friend or two.  I have a loving husband who fostered my self-confidence from the day we first met.  I have beautiful children who still look up to their mom for life’s answers. I reflect upon and make sure the my dreams, my goals, and my intentions are pure. If that’s not beauty, I don’t know what is.

Sometimes, what you see in the mirror is not exactly a reflection of what you really are. Beauty can mean different things to different people.  To a certain degree, beauty is subjective, and it’s essential that we don’t take someone else’s opinion at face value. We need to look closer to discover what we find as honestly beautiful, whether that be in our personality, our character, our intentions, and yes, on how we show up to and for others.

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.  Then think of all the moments that nurtured what you are now.  What reveals your real personality.  Think of the times you felt good about yourself. Think about the time your friend, or partner, or loved one looked at you with love and utmost respect. Think of how your kids looked up to you. I could go on and on…

So to answer the question, “Do I consider myself beautiful?”. The answer is an absolute, unapologetic YES! And I am rockin’ it!

“No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Here’s a shout-out to you who is reading this.  YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. And heck yeah, you are rockin it!

Originally Published February 13, 2020